Setbacks are a natural part of the process of overcoming social anxiety. After a few months of really measurable progress, I’ve just had one of those weeks where nothing seems to go right, and you start questioning whether you really are moving forward. It started out well. I organized an event last weekend, getting together a group of people that I met recently at a social event, for drinks at a bar. Now this is the first time I have ever done anything like this in my life. Taking the initiative to invite a whole group of people out, some of whom didn’t even know each other. But on the way there suddenly a whole bunch of old insecurities come flooding back into my mind. Suddenly I start thinking too much. “What am I going to talk to these people about? What if they don’t all get along? What if I start to get anxious like I used to do and they notice I am acting weird…” And so on… It’s amazing what tricks the mind can play. So by the time I got there, I was feeling anxious and jittery. I couldn’t relax. I could feel the tension in my face. The more I thought about it the more difficulty I had smiling. I was back in that vicious circle of anxiety where the negative thoughts in your head become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Logically in my head, I know I have made huge progress. Six months ago I would never even have thought of planning such an event. I would always wait for other people to invite me out, and even then I would often decline. But it’s funny how the mind will always ruminate on the one negative experience and forget about the 10 successes you’ve had before that. I felt a little down after that night out, and a couple of days later realized that I was slipping into the same old bad habits again at work – avoiding small talk and eye contact, and generally keeping to myself.
Well, it’s time to get back on the horse. The only way you can fail in this battle against social anxiety, is if you give up and stop trying, I tell myself. So I’m looking forward to the weekend. I’m going to my public speaking class tomorrow, which I may not be looking forward to, but I at least no longer dread like I did in the past. I also have some shopping to do, and am going to experiment trying to start some small conversations with the shop assistants. I’m really focussing on just becoming a more sociable person in general. It’s hard work and it doesn’t come naturally. But I know that the results will pay off for the rest of my life when I finally get there.
Blogging Against Social Anxiety 
SpaceMonkey said
Hi.
Listen, I really hope you go through your comments. I have something important to say. =)
Lately, I too have decided to make proactive progress to overcome my social fears. The really crazy thing is that no matter how many times I make a decision to, say, go shopping alone, I always come back to the same old setting and environment as I had left off — only afterward, I feel all battered and bruised inside; perhaps you can relate.
The effort and commitment I put into this stuff is never recognised by others, and what is supposed to be massive lifestyle changes only ends up making me feel like I’m going backwards in my journey.
Of course, the easy thing to say is “stick with it, you’ll see the light eventually”. Alas, I become wrought with depression and negativity. lol. Here’s the thing…
I honestly believe that if we (SA sufferers, who actually want to tame destiny), could only be continually motivated to stick through with the goals we set for ourselves, and to be rewarded (or at least praised and encouraged) for all the things we put ourselves through, then we can really shift gears and leave a rainbow trail of glory behind!!
Thus, I propose to you, sir: contact me at the below email address. I wish to make contact with whomever will keep me accountable for my actions (good or bad) and encourages, advises and motivates me that all the horse-shit I put myself through will ultimately be worth it — somehow. In return, I wish to be there for you also. =)
I’ve also been reading up on things like “exposure therapy”, where I am supposed to face some anxiety-inducing situations head-on, until something clicks; where each subsequent challenge becomes increasingly more difficult. But, knowing me, I’ll get all caught up in the “negativity spiral (of doom)”, and stuff. Merhaps we can set each other some challenges and promote each other to stick with it till the end, no?
Please lemme know what you think, man.
my email: bigchief0142000@yahoo.com
Cheers,
SpaceMonkey