“Life is difficult.”
Such are the first three words of Scott Peck’s famous book, “The Road Less Travelled”.
Personally I would have added “…especially if you have social anxiety” but it’s a pretty good opening as is 
I made a major commitment to beat social anxiety for good at the end of last year, and after one month of 2010, although I am absolutely on track with the short term goals I laid out, I have to say that life has indeed been difficult.
Most notably, I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago after a year together. It was one of the toughest decisions I have had to make, and I will write about this separately because I feel that my relationship troubles can’t be separated from my struggles with social anxiety over the years.
Believe me, after the breakup, the last thing I wanted to do was drag myself out to the gym and public speaking classes several times a week.
Having a firm plan in place was the only thing that saved me, and I am proud to say that despite feeling miserable for much of the month I haven’t deviated from that plan one bit.
I am feeling stronger and stronger every time I go into the gym, and this is helping me feel a little better about myself.
And I have had some real success at my public speaking class. Having got up in front of the class about 10 times now over the past month, I no longer feel terrified.
That being said, the gains I have made need to be built upon and I realize that it is two steps forward, one step backward.
After a couple of sessions where I felt great, suddenly all the anxiety came flowing back at my last class on Saturday. My heart was pounding as I waited over an hour for my turn, and by the time I got in front of the class I could feel the tension rising up through my chest and into my face and my voice. The little voice inside my head started telling me that I am going nowhere, and that I will never overcome this irrational fear. I started becoming self conscious about my inability to smile. The demons were back.
But I know that there will always be setbacks along the way, and that as long as I stick at it, I cannot possibly fail.
It has been a difficult month.
But I am laying the groundwork for bigger changes ahead.
A difficult month…
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