“80 percent of success is showing up” — Woody Allen
This is one of my favorite quotes lately. How many of us fail to achieve our goals simply because we fail to consistently show up? I was speaking to a personal trainer at the gym the other day who was telling me about the surge of new members they get each January. Many of these people make New Years resolutions to get fit, and after an initial burst of enthusiasm that lasts a few weeks, they suddenly stop showing up. Many continue to pay their memberships for a few months before dropping out completely. I laughed when he told me this, but on reflection, realized that this is a pattern I’ve fallen into myself many times in the past.
I recently joined the gym again after about 6 months of absence. I know that I’ve had severe trouble in the past getting motivated to come in. There’s always an excuse. It’s freezing cold, I have a hangover, I didn’t get enough sleep, or I just don’t feel like it. For this reason I have hired a personal trainer who I’m meeting once a week. He has me on a plan, and I’ve committed to coming in before work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday every week. I’ve blocked out those times on my calendar. Just three sessions a week is a very manageable goal and it’s a nonnegotiable appointment that I simply must keep. I’ve kept it up for three weeks now and it’s getting a little easier every time. When I wake up at 6am I never feel like getting up and going. But I know that I will feel better when it’s over. My commitment to myself is simply to show up. If I’m feeling a little sick or tired that day, I give myself the permission to do a light session. But the important thing is that I just show up. This way, I cannot possibly fail. Already, after just a few weeks, I can feel myself getting stronger.
So how can we apply all of this to social anxiety?
Well, how many of us have ever read books about overcoming social anxiety but failed to do the goal setting and exercises recommended? Or gone to therapy but failed to consistently complete your homework assignments? Or signed up for Toastmasters but dropped out after just one or two classes because the anxiety was too great? I know I have. But this time I’m determined to follow through. I signed up for a public speaking class at the end of last year and paid in advance for 10 sessions. Since they have two classes a week, I’ve decided to go twice a week to double the exposure. I’ve already gone 5 times. Like the gym, the first few times were painful. I still get butterflies in my stomach before the class, but it’s already getting just a little bit easier. There are 100 things I would rather be doing than attending this class. But I’ve decided that I’m going to attend twice a week for 3 months — without fail — and then evaluate my progress. Just like going to the gym, I really believe that as long as I consistently show up, I cannot help but improve.
