I had an interesting experience at work this week. I was suddenly summoned for a “get to know you” meeting with a very senior manager at my company who I had never met before. I had little time to prepare. And even if I had, I didn’t know what he wanted to talk to me about. This type of meeting would probably make anybody at least a little nervous, but for somebody with social anxiety, it’s a nightmare. I’ve made some good progress over the past couple of years. But suddenly, that all seemed to disappear. I started to think too much….
What if I say something stupid? What if he asks me something I have no idea how to answer? What if he notices how nervous I look and forms a bad impression of me. I try to shut down all the negative thoughts, but it’s too intense, and it’s too late to stop them. As I walk across the floor to his office, I can feel my whole body tensing up. My facial muscles are tense. I can’t even smile as I walk past coworkers. As I feel the tension in my body rising, my mind races even more. This is going to be a total disaster…
I get to his office and peer inside, noticing that he is stuck on a phone call. Standing outside waiting, the onslaught of negative thoughts continues. His secretary turns to me and says “He’ll be with you in just a few minutes.” I pause for 10 seconds, and then make a critical decision. “Hi. I’m Dave,” I say to the secretary. “I’ve seen you around before but I don’t think we’ve met properly.” She smiles. Suddenly my anxiety drops several notches. I feel my whole body loosening up. I manage a passable smile myself. I can do this, I tell myself, just as I am called into the office.
The meeting goes fine. I feel a little nervous, but I get more and more relaxed as it goes on. I stop worrying about what I’m going to say next and just go with the flow. Who would know I have social anxiety?
I think there’s a big lesson here. That very brief, but successful interaction with the secretary before the meeting helped totally calm my nerves. By being proactive I helped kill the anxiety. If instead I had remained silent, allowing the anxiety to fester, the meeting probably WOULD have been a disaster. It’s amazing what a difference such a small but positive act can have for your confidence.
