As I said in my last post, I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about relationships and SA. It’s my impression (purely a subjective one based on reading forums, etc) that a lot of SA sufferers end up in unhealthy relationships that do them more harm than good. Here’s my take on that. Most of us never dated at all in high school and university, and “stumbled” our way into relationships rather than meeting a wide range of people and then making an informed choice about who we really wanted to be with. When your options are limited (because of your anxiety and shyness) then you are more likely to settle for whoever is available. You are also more likely to attract somebody with emotional issues of their own. And when that relationship is not fulfilling your needs, you are less likely to leave because you feel like there is nobody else out there for you.
Now, I’ve been in two serious relationships before my current one. None of them were particularly unpleasant and I have some great memories of those times. But in retrospect the amount of time I spent in those relationships really held me back from experiencing other things. I dated the first girl for almost 7 years (from my early 20s), and even though it was apparent after two years that it wasn’t going to work out, I never had the courage to leave. More recently, I’ve had the opposite problem. I’m happy with my girlfriend now, but sometimes there’s still a voice in the back of my head telling me that I shouldn’t settle down with anyone until I’ve sorted out my SA for good. I’ll be a different person then, more confident, and I’ll have more choice in who I am going to be with. Scarlett Johansson is still single, right?
Of course this is just a fantasy. But I do feel like the area of relationships and SA deserves a lot of thought and discussion. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m curious if anyone out there has any thoughts…
