Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and social anxiety. After about one and a half years of staying totally single, I’m in a relationship again. It’s been six months now, and I’m having a great time with my new girlfriend. But here’s the thing. While those six months have been a very happy time for me in many ways, I’ve recently come to the realization that in other ways I have been going backwards. A year ago, I was pushing myself to regularly attend events where I didn’t know anybody to practice mingling, I was going to the gym regularly, and I was taking public speaking classes. Now, the easy option on weekends is to just hang out with my girlfriend. And I have become very lazy. As a result, I can really feel the SA starting to creep back into my life. I sometimes feel anxious even meeting up with friends, and I feel much more nervous attending meetings at work.
In retrospect, this is something that has happened to me EVERY time I have been in a serious relationship in the past. Battling SA takes a lot of energy. So does maintaining a relationship. Working on the two at the same time is not easy, and is something I have never successfully managed to accomplish. I have seriously thought of ending my current relationship and just focusing on my SA again as a single guy. But I don’t think that is really the answer. I get the feeling that this same issue is going to come up WHOEVER I am in a relationship with, because ultimately it is about me. So I’m going to start with one thing at a time. I haven’t been to the gym in three months and I’ve just renewed my membership. The weather is warming up. I have no excuses for not getting out!
Becky said
Oh boy do I identify with you on this one. While I am with my bf I am a recluse. I don’t have severe anxiety anymore and don’t have problems like I used to, but I am just unmotivated to make and maintain friendships. I have no desire to.
And my bf was the first guy who liked and noticed me. We were too young when we got together. Sometimes I think I should go it alone and prove to myself that I can look after me.
I am in a rough patch and thinking about ending it. But then I agree with you that I don’t think that is really the answer because I don’t want to be alone in love my whole life just so I manage my my social life better. I want to be motivated to keep friends and be active AND have a loving relationship. I seriously wonder why my brain believes that I can only have one. Does the comfort of another person make everything OK and we stop trying?
I am scared about losing the respect of my bf who is frustrated with trying to get me to be more social and have my own friends.
Soo confused, and soo lazy!
I hope you don’t mind a random stranger posting on your blog, I found it good food for thought – thanks